Still around

It’s been a while since my last blog, but let’s just say round two really kicked my ass. Basically from Tuesday last week until Sunday morning all I did was go back and forth to treatment and either sleep, get sick or try to eat. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I got through it and I’m slowly getting better.

I have a meeting with my doctor tomorrow and am hoping to get more help with my anxiety. So far the Zoloft they have gave me has not done much to calm me down. I have week off before I have to go get my next Bleo shot. (I got one yesterday). I just want to be more prepared from my final long week when I start my third round Labor Day week.

I knew chemotherapy was going to be tough, but you’re never truly prepared for it. I never feel “normal” but I’m able to keep some food down and I’m drinking more so I’m getting better. We will see how the next couple weeks go. I’m hoping I start to feel better the closer I get to round 3. Thanks for reading and sorry for not updating in a while.

I also want to to say thanks to my wife and my mom for taking care of me while I was so sick. My wife was a saint as always and my mom took the entire week off work to take me to treatment and help take care of me. I can never really repay them, but just wanted to say thanks. And I of course can’t forget my mother-in-law Mirzeta who is taking such good care of my two beautiful babies so Dina can take care of the big baby (me). I love you all  so much and appreciate your support.

Haircut time

Decided to go for it and shave my head yesterday. My best friend Jeff Fuller decided to do it with me. With the help of the lovely Brooke Zielke I think it came out pretty good. Who knows I might keep the bald look for a little while after this is all over.

P.S. We did shoot some video, will try to upload some later.

Hair update

Forgot to mention in my last post, nearly all my hair fell out while I was in Chicago. It doesn't look horrible, but going to shave the rest off today. Going to try to shoot video of it so hopefully that will work out. Here is a pic from Friday

Start of Round 2

Well I’m back to the grind after a little break. I completed Round 1 and I’m currently sitting at the doctor with Round 2 already started. It’s going to be a long week full of treatment, but I’m ready to get it over with and get closer to moving on with my life.

The last post was long and was really hard for me to put all that out there, thanks to everyone who responded and let me know that I’m not alone dealing with anxiety.

Just going to briefly talk about what happened since my last post.

I had a reaction to a steroid they gave me last week, which led to a funny day with my wife. The reaction caused me to feel like I was on speed and I was talking a mile a minute. I just couldn’t stop talking, which anybody that knows me knows I am usually the opposite.

I couldn’t stop at night either. I kept waking up my poor wife and ended up talking her ear off until 4:30 in the morning. I’m pretty sure she asked for and I gave her the complete run down of every girl I’ve kissed in my whole life. Thankfully I’ve always been honest with her so I had nothing to hide.

The rest of the week went smooth. I decided to go to Chicago for the weekend and Comic Con after getting the OK from Dr. Seid. I made sure to sanitize my hands like crazy and had a great time.

I met wrestlers John Cena (great guy), CM Punk (only rude guy I met), Booker T (great), the Bella Twins (super friendly and talkative) and Maryse (friendly).

Got my pic taken along with my friend Mary Beth with Norman Reedus who plays Daryl on The Walking Dead (he was also in Boondock Saints) and Jon Bernthal who played Shane on The Walking Dead. We couldn’t get near Reedus for an autograph due to all the VIP Boondock Saints and Walking Dead people, but Mary Beth did get Bernthal’s autograph and we talked to him for a few minutes. Found out he was leaving there to go to New York to play a part in Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street. He was a great guy.

Had fun the rest of the weekend with my wife, Sean, Lindsey, Fuller and Mary Beth. Haven’t been to Chicago in a long time and enjoyed the trip.

I came home to a huge surprise. A few of my friends got together and got me a package full of goodies. Just to name a few things it included the brand new The Rock shirt, a CM Punk shirt, iTUnes gift card, two packs of wrestling trading cards and a vintage David Robinson cup and for the @Dadboner fans out there, there was a Timehouse, the Kate Upton GQ and a Chilis gift card. Hope I’m not forgetting anything as I’m at treatment and don’t have the stuff with me today.

So to everyone involved in the package, Jake, TRV, Biggs, Steil and Joel thanks from the bottom of my heart. I knew we were friends but never thought you guys would take the time, money and effort to put something like this together for me. I really appreciate it and it really helped pick me up heading into this long week of treatment.

I’ll update more this week since I’ll be here all week long. Thanks for reading.

Hair report

Haven't shaved or got a hair cut in 3 weeks. Pretty sure it stopped growing, but not falling out yet. I know some of you are really looking forward to bald Dave, but going to have to keep waiting for now ...

Dealing with anxiety and a strange episode

Let me just start by saying anxiety is a bitch. It’s something I’ve battled with my whole life. I have my own personal reasons and family history for not wanting to use medication to help me with anxiety. It cripples me to the point where people think I’m just some shy weirdo, but up until now I wanted to handle it without the help of medication.

Well last night I had quite an “episode.” The medication I take had some type of weird reaction last night where I started to feel really weird, almost a numbness or high. I’ve never done drugs so I’m not sure what a high is, but in my estimation I was higher than a damn kite last night.

It started around 10 p.m. I thought it was just a temporary few minute thing and was laughing hysterically at the smallest things (again like I was stoned or something).

Well my wife was tired so she went to sleep. I stayed up watching the olympics by myself (yeah I’m addicted to the Olympics). I started to feel more and more stoned. I was watching the men’s gymnastics and started entering my own version of the major tripping balls stage. I was in like a trance watching these dudes hop around and I’m pretty sure I even started to think I could do what they were doing, thankfully I did not try.

I was getting freaked out, but decided to try to sleep. That’s where things got even weirder. I then got the thought stuck in my head that if I went to sleep I wouldn’t wake up and my wife would find me dead in the morning. I don’t know what chemo brain exactly is but for the next hour or so I think I had some form of it.

Everything seemed so bizarre. I was talking slow but felt I was talking fast. I would be mumbling one second, laughing the next, then crying about missing my son moments later. I’m not sure how my wife handled it, but I was for the lack of the better word acting like a complete nutjob.

We decided to go the emergency room. I talked the whole way, probably not making much sense. Thankfully when we got to the hospital I was over the crying and weird babbling about everything from what I had for lunch to missing my little brother stage. I was just feeling stoned while there. Everything was funny to me, but I tried to act as normal as but honest as possible when a nurse or doctor came in.

They weren’t really sure what the cause was. Gave me some Benadryl. Eventually I started to feel a little better and went home.

I went in for my final treatment of my first round today. I told my doctors about my episode and even they are unsure what caused it but think anxiety could have played a role.

Reluctantly I am going to start taking Zoloft for anxiety tonight. I probably need it to get me through these next two rounds.

I don’t know if I’m being a baby, but my whole life I’ve really tried to avoid getting on pills to “cure” my anxiety. Nothing against people who take these medications. I’ve never gone to a doctor or talked to anyone other than my wife about it before. It can get really bad at times. It starts with me simply being shy around people, but begins to build. If I don’t say anything at first and keep being quiet, in my head I begin to feel that if I finally say something now it has to be super important or incredibly funny. But what usually happens is I don’t say a word and I’m eventually either labeled shy or quiet weirdo.

Sometimes I get over it and begin to be myself. It takes some work on my part. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say I didn’t know you were so funny or something to that effect. Well yeah because I didn’t say a word because my anxiety rendered me a mute. I was voted most shy in high school because my anxiety would often render me to silence. I knew that wasn’t the real me, but couldn’t do anything to change it.

I still have that problem in certain settings and it’s hard for me to break out of that shy guy mode. It usually takes an effort by someone else. Once I feel comfortable around one person, I tend to start be more outgoing. If nobody comes to my rescue then it’s captain shy.

I’ll see how this pill works. Maybe I’ll start being Mr. Life of the Party everywhere I go with Zoloft. Somehow I doubt it, but I’ll try it. At least while I’m going through chemo. I believe I'll kick cancers ass with or without the Zoloft, but if it helps me avoid another night like last night then I'll be happy.

In other bad news my white blood cell count was down so I have to be extra careful about sanitizing my hands and avoiding sick people. They were up last week so not sure what caused the switch, but not happy about it because I am supposed to go to Chicago for Comic Con this weekend.

Maybe I’m just being stubborn, but I already paid a lot of money to go so I’m going to go. I am going to make sure to keep sanitizing my hands, maybe even wear a mask and avoid contact with people as much as possible.

I know some people don’t want me to go, but damnit cancer can kiss my ass I’m going.

Sorry it’s kind of long post today and maybe rambling, but just wanted to tell the good and the bad. Thanks for reading, especially if you actually made it this far.

Checking in

Sorry haven’t updated my blog in a few days. I’ve had some ups and downs during the last few days. I’ve battled a lot of fatigue, napping often and going to bed early. I’ve had a few fits a nausea too, but nothing since Monday.

I’m starting to feel a little better today and I have been helping my mom watch the kids. It’s nice to get to spend some time with them and they look so much bigger each time I see them.

Ben is up to his usual trouble, while Emma is really starting to get vocal and it’s funny to listen to her babble away.

I got my second bleo shot Tuesday and it went relatively easy. I had the chills for a little bit last night, but not long. I was out by 8 p.m., but I did go walk around the mall for a little while which could have contributed to be me being tired.

I’ve been told by multiple sources that drinking as much as possible is the best thing to do, but find it difficult to find anything I actually want to drink lately. Something about water reminds me of going to chemo and makes me want to throw up so I can’t drink that. I have been trying gatorade and other drinks. I need to start drinking more so hopefully I can find something appealing.

Well that’s all for now, just wanted to check in. Thanks for reading.